The way we communicate today has changed. Advances in technology and the media have meant that the way we interact is, on many occasions, more virtual than in person. This can give rise to the appearance of new phenomena, such as so-called “ghosting”.
What is ghosting?
It consists of ending some type of relationship by stopping responding to the sender’s messages, disappearing from social networks. Thus, communication with a person with whom you have been speaking for some time and with whom you maintained an emotional relationship is directly cut off.
That is, it involves disappearing from someone’s life without explanation, not even a goodbye. The fact that a person suddenly disappears, as if they had never existed or been part of your life.
Ways to manifest ghosting:
Ghosting can come in two forms. There is abrupt ghosting in which the person with whom you were in a relationship suddenly completely disappears and even blocks the other person on all social networks or media. But there is also gradual ghosting, characterized by gradual disappearance. In consultation, we detect the latter, because a change in attitude is perceived in said person. Thus, for example, he never starts conversations with the victim, avoids responding when asked for sincerity or uses evasive phrases such as “I haven’t had time to call you” or “I did give you a like! “
Does it look familiar to you?
Ghosting behavior is not limited to romantic relationships. Casual relationships, friendships, and even work relationships can end this way.
- Relationships: It is, by far, the most common and frequent. In consultation we see that ghosting in romantic relationships usually occurs after a date, in the first weeks of starting a relationship or I have even seen ghosting after having spent several years in a relationship with the same person.
- Friendship relationships: It can also happen in these relationships. A friend who stops answering messages or calls, or who, without explanation, procrastinates or makes excuses to avoid meetings. Ghosting in friendship relationships can be as painful as romantic ghosting, as sometimes it involves years and years of closeness and connection.
- Labor relations: These are employees who disappear and cut off communication, without notifying or giving explanations to the team.
Profile of the person who ghosts
Most people who ghost do not consciously intend to do harm. His behavior is a reflection of his personality and can be seen:
- Poor emotional management. There is no correct development of emotional responsibility.
- Difficulty facing difficult situations or giving explanations.
- Poor communication skills.
- Lack of empathy towards the feelings of others.
- Low self-esteem. Creation of avoidant protective barriers. The fear of confrontation or rejection causes you to flee instead of facing the situation.
- Narcissism at times.
- Social anxiety, especially in young people.
All of this causes problems in connecting, maintaining contact and establishing a commitment with the other.
For the person who practices ghosting, running away from a relationship is a simple and quick way out. You do not need to explain or come face to face with the other person and their probable pain or confusion. Because it comes so easily to you, you may continue to repeat this pattern in your future relationships.
Repercussions of ghosting on the victim
They depend, to a large extent, on the importance that the person who ghosted her has had for her. If the relationship has been intense or long-lasting, or the victim has low self-esteem, it can have a great emotional impact.
On the other hand, in those victims who poorly manage their emotions, feeling used and discarded by ghosting reinforces their negative self-evaluations and interprets it as something deserved out of a feeling of guilt.
Finally, not knowing the reasons why it is separated and omitted makes it very difficult for the victim to close the chapter and be in a position to face new relationships and repeat phrases such as: “What have I done wrong?”, “Will it be my blame?”, “I must be horrible so that he doesn’t even want to say goodbye to me.”
How to overcome ghosting?
You stop looking for excuses or justifying the behavior of others. Probably, he disappeared because he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions. And as I always say, what others act or do has to do with them and not with you, don’t forget that.
My recommendations to overcome and get through the ghosting grief:
- Recognize and accept the situation: You deserve much better.
- Respect your emotions and their rhythm: It is natural to feel sad, angry or hurt for a time, which for each person has a duration.
- Don’t blame yourself: Keep in mind that ghosting doesn’t depend on what you’ve done. Ghosting has to do with emotional management skills, which the other person lacks.
- Connect with your emotions: These are the questions I ask in consultation: “How do I want to feel in a relationship? How is this person making me feel?” What is your answer to these questions when you think about a person who ghosts you?
- Self-care and self-esteem: The most important thing is you, so listen to yourself and pamper yourself a lot.
- Learn from experience and do not generalize: What has happened does not have to be repeated in other relationships.
- Seek support from your family or friends or ask for psychological help if you need it.
- And lastly, and very importantly, do not seek to contact that person.
FAQ
1. Why does ghosting happen?
Ghosting can occur for various reasons, including discomfort, conflict avoidance, or a simple lack of interest. Understanding that the motivations behind ghosting are diverse and often rooted in the ghoster’s personal circumstances can help manage the emotional impact.
2. How to cope with the emotional impact of ghosting?
Dealing with the emotional fallout of being ghosted can be tough. It’s essential to acknowledge your feelings, allow yourself to grieve the loss of connection, and seek support from friends or a therapist. Focusing on self-care activities and engaging in hobbies can also help in diverting attention from the negative emotions.
3. Is it appropriate to confront the person who ghosted me?
Deciding whether or not to confront the person who ghosted you is a personal choice. While seeking closure is understandable, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with a calm and open mindset. Be prepared for the possibility that the other person may not provide the answers you seek.
4. Should I give the person another chance after ghosting?
Reconsidering a relationship after ghosting requires careful evaluation. Assess whether the individual has provided a genuine explanation and shown remorse for their actions. Trust your instincts and set clear boundaries if you decide to give the relationship another chance.
5. How to prevent being ghosted in the future?
While it’s impossible to guarantee that you won’t experience ghosting, establishing clear communication and expectations early in a relationship can be beneficial. Encourage open dialogue, express your needs, and be attentive to the other person’s signals to foster a healthy connection.
6. Are there red flags to watch out for?
Certain behaviors, such as inconsistent communication, frequent cancellations, or a lack of commitment, may signal potential ghosting. Pay attention to these red flags but also consider context and individual circumstances before making assumptions.
7. Is it common to be ghosted in professional settings?
Ghosting is not limited to personal relationships; it can also occur in professional settings. When faced with professional ghosting, maintain professionalism and follow up in a courteous manner. Keep in mind that circumstances in the professional realm can be different, and persistence may be appropriate within reasonable limits.
8. How to move forward after being ghosted?
Moving forward involves a process of self-reflection and growth. Focus on personal development, engage in activities that bring joy, and explore new connections. Recognize that being ghosted does not define your worth, and the right connections will come in due time.
Conclusion
Managing ghosting requires a delicate balance of self-reflection, emotional resilience, and effective communication. While it remains a challenging aspect of modern relationships, understanding the dynamics and adopting a proactive approach to self-care can empower individuals to navigate the complexities of ghosting with grace and resilience.