No parent sets out to educate a spoiled children, however, babies do not come with an instruction manual under their arm, so it is often necessary to resort to our instincts – which is not always a guarantee of success.
There is no doubt that parenting is one of the most complex and challenging tasks that we face throughout life, so it is normal to make mistakes that end up being reflected in children’s behavior.
The good news is that we can rectify those failures. It is never too late to detect what we are doing wrong and redirect our educational guidelines because an education that is too protective or permissive can have terrible consequences, not only for the child’s development but also for family dynamics.
Parents should keep in mind that a spoiled child is not a happy child, and neither is his or her family. That is why it is essential to learn to detect the first signs of danger and put a stop to them as soon as possible.
What is a spoiled child?
The spoiled child is not born, it is made. That means it is the result of an overly permissive parenting style. A child is not spoiled by receiving love, hugs, cuddles and affection. He is spoiled by the absence of limits and rules.
In fact, although the label “spoiled” is assigned to the child, in reality it is just a reflection of an inadequate education in which everyone bends to their desires. The spoiled child is, therefore, a child who shows an arrogant, demanding and egocentric attitude that prevents him from relating assertively with others, which ends up affecting his development.
10 Behaviors of spoiled children
Tantrums become daily bread
Tantrums are common when children are young and can be considered normal until the age of 3 or 4 as they are, essentially, an outlet for the child to express their frustration. When the child is small, it is difficult for him to explain in words what he feels, so he expresses it through his body. Furthermore, his level of self-control is still too low to be able to contain his impulses. However, as they grow, their control and ability to express themselves increases, so tantrums have no place. Therefore, tantrums at school age usually indicate a rude and overly spoiled child.
He never feels satisfied
If a child is used to receiving everything he wants and has never heard a “no” in his life, he will grow up believing that he is the center of the universe, that everyone lives – and goes out of his way – to serve him. As a result, you will likely not be satisfied with what you have and demand more and more. These children, for example, will feel happy with a new toy for a very short period of time, will quickly get bored and demand that they buy others. You may also order a special dish for dinner, but then refuse to eat it.
Try to control the adults
Children are excellent manipulators, although most adults do not usually realize this. However, the spoiled child goes one step further and tries to control his parents’ behavior and guide their decisions. This is because it does not establish a difference between adults and their contemporaries. A spoiled child will believe that he is the navel of the world and that everyone must bow to his desires since he suffers from Emperor Syndrome. To achieve his goal, he is likely to resort to all kinds of stratagems, from tantrums to feigning illness or even direct confrontation.
Does not follow adult orders
Children are not little soldiers nor are parents infantry generals. However, little ones need certain rules, which will not only keep them safe from dangers, but will also make them feel safer and calmer. In theory, parents do not have to beg the child to comply with a sensible order and they do not have to bribe the child to do so. The child must understand and accept that parents have authority and must obey when they ask them for something.
Doesn’t help at home
When children are small, they are very egocentric, they believe that the world revolves around them. However, from the age of 3 or 4 the child abandons this attitude, begins to be interested in the feelings of others and is more cooperative. At this time, parents should give him different responsibilities, such as picking up his toys or putting away his shoes. However, one of the most distinctive characteristics of the spoiled child is that he does not seem to care about the work his parents do, he is not willing to help and often ignores your requests.
He purposely embarrasses you in public
When the child understands that some of his behaviors embarrass you, he takes advantage of them to manipulate you and attract attention in public. For this reason, it is common for his tantrums to take place in public places or for him to reveal things that make you feel uncomfortable, even if you have warned him not to say them.
He is not empathetic
Children, when they are small, usually have an egocentric perspective, which blurs as the years go by. However, even the youngest children are capable of showing some empathy, such as hugging parents when they sense they are sad or helping a little sibling. Spoiled children, on the contrary, are not usually empathetic. It is very difficult for them to put themselves in other people’s shoes, tune in to other people’s emotions and understand their points of view. As a result, they are not usually generous either.
He doesn’t share his things
Until the age of 4, most children do not have a special interest in other children, they play in parallel. However, from this age they begin to play together and share their toys. It is normal for the little one not to want to share some toys, those he considers special and to which he is more attached, but this cannot be the norm. The spoiled child is not only reluctant to share his toys and property, but even demands that others share with him. He assumes deeply selfish behavior.
Does not relate well to other children or adults
One of the most obvious signs that a child is spoiled are problems in their interpersonal relationships. These children, being too egocentric, tend to have conflicts with their peers, so it is likely that they are always involved in fights or that other children end up avoiding them. The same thing happens with adults. When they notice that the child is misbehaving, they usually prefer to avoid visits home.
They do not follow the rules of courtesy, but rather demand special treatment.
Spoiled children usually do not follow the rules of good education. They do not say “thank you” since they think they have the right to everything, nor do they ask for things with “please.” This means that they do not show great appreciation for the help they receive from others, which, in the long run, will become a hindrance to their social life. It is also common for them to demand special treatment and get angry when it is not given since they do not usually tolerate negative feelings such as frustration well.
What are the consequences of a spoiled child?
A spoiled child is not happy. And neither does his family. When a child receives everything he wants and grows without limits, he will not be able to develop important life skills such as frustration tolerance or resilience. As a result, they will also not know how to deal with those emotions when they appear, which increases the chances of suffering from emotional disorders such as depression at a young age.
These children will also not know how to delay gratification and will have poor self-control, two skills that have been shown to be essential for success in life. In turn, they will have low Emotional Intelligence, so it is more likely that they will have to face numerous interpersonal conflicts, both in the personal and professional areas, when they grow up.
The family also suffers. Dealing with a spoiled child is increasingly complicated because their demands increase, while their obligations decrease, so that parents end up becoming subjects of a tyrant who orders and disposes as he pleases. In this scenario, the balance of the family is broken, to the point that it stops being a source of development for its members and becomes a dysfunctional family.
How to correct spoiled children?
Identify the behaviors to change
It may seem like a platitude, but it is not. Many parents make the mistake of generalizing so much that they end up throwing all childhood behaviors into the same bag. By placing the label of “spoiled child” what you do is reinforce problematic behaviors. Therefore, the first step in correcting a spoiled child is to identify the behaviors to change and, above all, the positive behaviors to reinforce.
Stop making excuses for him
Don’t minimize your child’s bad behavior. Do not justify his tantrums by saying “it’s just a kid thing” as this will encourage him to maintain that pattern of behavior. It is also not advisable for you to apologize for him when he makes a mistake. He should learn to take responsibility for his behavior and accept the consequences, so instead of making excuses, encourage him to apologize instead. Assuming mistakes is the first step to mature and abandon the egocentric posture.
Establish consistent rules
For a spoiled child to leave behind his bad habits and build new and more adaptive ones, you must show him the way by establishing a series of rules. You must apply those rules regardless of where the act of disrespect took place. The most important thing is to be consistent because if the child notices that sometimes you apply the rules and other times you don’t, he will feel confused and it will be easier for him to continue misbehaving than to make an effort to develop good behavior.
Specify
Don’t reprimand the child, reprimand the behavior. Don’t say phrases like “you are a spoiled son.” Specify what you didn’t like and how it should have been behaved. You can tell him, “You don’t raise your voice in this house,” so that you not only point out the bad behavior, but also let him know what you expect from him.
Allows other adults to scold him
In the past, it was normal for teachers and adults to scold children when they did something wrong. How many parents disapprove and demand to be the ones to scold the child. However, there is nothing wrong with other adults correcting bad behavior, as long as they do so appropriately and within reasonable limits. This will motivate you to behave more respectfully in all contexts.
Let him face his own problems
Many times, a spoiled child is a spoiled and overprotected child. Parents generally want to avoid problems for their children, but becoming helicopter parents will not do them any good; on the contrary, it will rob them of opportunities to test their skills and mature. Therefore, whenever possible, let your child solve problems on his or her own. Give him little help, if he needs it, but don’t solve everything for him.
Don’t interact when he’s angry
You should never tolerate rude responses, but there is little point in trying to reason with a child when he is too angry. Explain that you will only respond when they are able to communicate appropriately. In many cases, spoiled behaviors are a demand for attention, so stopping your child’s attention when he or she gets angry can cause that behavior to become extinct because he or she will understand that it is not a valid strategy to achieve his or her desires.
Do not allow any type of emotional blackmail
Many parents, in order to avoid children’s tantrums or anger, especially when they are in public, end up giving in to their whims. In this way they only manage to reinforce the negative behavior since the child will assume it as an effective strategy to achieve what he wants. Instead, you should make him understand that only through reason and assertiveness will he be able to achieve what he wants.
Reinforce good behaviors
Most parents make the mistake of only punishing bad behavior, forgetting to provide a positive role model. Therefore, do not forget to appreciate the child’s good behaviors, let him know that you understand and value the effort he is making to change.
Discipline with love, controlling your reactions
Don’t discipline out of shame or anger. It is possible to discipline firmly but from love. You don’t want to make your child feel embarrassed or lose your cool. Remember that you are his role model and, if you are asking him to be able to control his emotions, you must show that you know how to manage yours. Never conditions love. Your child should know that you love him.