It is very normal for children to experience certain ups and downs in their attitude towards school at some point in their lives. However, when that resistance becomes routine, that is when it becomes a cause for concern and must be addressed appropriately. If you ask yourself, “why doesn’t my daughter or son want to go to school?”, here you will find the possible causes and solutions.
Back to school and school resistance
With back to school so close, parents and children are already beginning to prepare for the return to the daily routine after the holidays. Do you notice a negative attitude in your children when you mention the topic?
Reluctance to go to school when school is back is a very common issue that many parents face.
Your son or daughter may be reluctant to return to classes after the vacation period for multiple reasons:
- Changes in routines. During the holidays, children may have gotten used to a different routine than they have during the school year. Returning to that normality can be difficult to accept.
- Academic problems. If your children have been struggling with academic content (especially older ones) and feeling frustrated, they may fear academic failure.
- Changes in the school environment. A change of teacher or level can also be something that stops your children’s desire to go back to school.
- Lack of motivation. If children are not enthusiastic about school activities, they may not want to return.
- Reunion with colleagues. Meeting friends again is positive, but not so much doing it with those colleagues with whom there has been a problem.
However, in addition to the case that your daughter does not want to go to school after the holidays, it may also happen that you say “my son, suddenly, does not want to go to school.” It is something that can happen at any time and you have to know the most common causes.
Why doesn’t my daughter or son want to go to school?
Understanding why your daughter or son does not want to go to school is essential to being able to find a solution.
As we have mentioned, children may reject going back to school after the holidays, but also after the weekends. Or maybe you started doing it suddenly in the middle of the course? In any case, it is important to keep in mind the possible causes.
Academic challenges
One of the reasons why “my child wants to go to school” is repeated in your daily life is that he or she has academic difficulties. This can generate stress and insecurity when it comes to having to face classes.
Separation anxiety
Younger children can often feel anxious about being separated from their parents. Going to school means separating from your safe environment, which can lead to fear and anguish.
Bullying
Bullying is a very serious reason for school rejection. If your children are being bullied at school or outside of school by other students, it is understandable that they do not want to attend school.
Lack of interest
Some children may become bored with the school curriculum and, in the case of older children, they may feel that they are not learning things that truly interest them. That will demotivate them, causing them not to want to go to class.
Family events
Certain events within the family nucleus can emotionally destabilize minors and be reflected in them not wanting to go to school. Some examples could be the loss of a loved one, parental divorce, or the birth of a baby.
Problems of adaptation
If minors are having a hard time adapting to the school, teachers, or finding it difficult to make friends, they may refuse to go to classes.
My daughter cries because she doesn’t want to go to school: what’s wrong with her?
If your son or daughter does not express the real reason why they do not want to go, they will show their displeasure in different ways. Some of them are complaining of physical pain, right upon waking up or shortly after.
In other cases, this can go much further, becoming a flat refusal on the part of the minor to leave the house and using crying as a response.
If you ask yourself “why does my daughter or son cry because he or she doesn’t want to go to school?”, you have to go a little further and investigate the possible causes, since a more excessive reaction, such as a monumental tantrum or crying that is not ceases, it may hide a deep reason. Consider:
- Are you in good health?
- Have you changed schools or had any problems there?
- When did you start to show rejection towards school?
- Have there been any recent changes in the family environment?
- Does it happen only to your child or to more children in his class?
What to do if my child doesn’t want to go to school
Whether your routine is that my child suddenly doesn’t want to go to school, or if the issue has been going on for a while, it is important to take steps to address that school resistance.
The fundamental thing will be to deal with the issue from closeness and understanding, never with shouts and reproaches. Taking this as a basis, you can begin to act.
Rule out medical problems
If the child continually complains of some ailment, the first thing is to rule out that there is not really a medical problem.
For example, sometimes children do not want to go to school and complain of headaches. The reason could be undetected vision problems. Pay attention to whether the child sticks closer to the books to read or gets closer to the television, closes his eyes a little to sharpen his vision, etc.
In addition to physical problems, others must also be ruled out, such as anxiety or attention disorders.
Observe children’s behavior
Any change in your son or daughter’s behavior is an indication that something in their daily life has also changed.
If he behaves differently and it’s not exactly a positive change, do some research on it. If they don’t tell you in words, you can ask them to draw it or show it using toys.
Of course, never force or pressure him to talk, as he may withdraw more.
Maintain open communication
Having good communication with your children is always key, but even more so when issues arise that require support. It is essential that they feel confident enough to talk to you about what is happening to them.
Ask him every day how he has done in class, what he has done, how he is with his teachers and classmates, etc. Always do it in a calm voice and make these conversations about school a regular part of the routine.
This is especially relevant in cases as serious as bullying. In the case of bullying of children, parents, teachers, adults and witnesses in general, have a very important role. Especially because, in his words, helping a person who is being harassed is a matter of principle.
Validate what you feel
Another action to take if you wonder what to do if your child doesn’t want to go to school is to validate their emotions.
Instead of responding by ignoring his tantrums or telling him that everything is going to be okay, start by focusing on validating what he feels.
Help him put a name to what he is feeling so he can express it and find a solution.
Talk to your teachers
Of course, it is crucial that you have information from teachers about how your child is doing in class and how they see him. This information is very valuable to understand the reasons why children do not want to go to school.
Talk to other parents
If you trust other parents of your children’s classmates, ask them if they are in the same situation.
It may happen that there are more cases in the same class and that the cause is found within the classroom.
Create a positive routine
Establish a morning routine that motivates your child before going to school. For example, after having breakfast, washing up, brushing your teeth and getting ready for classes, take the dog for a walk together.
Seek professional help
If resistance to going to school persists and is significantly affecting your child’s life, consider seeking help from a child psychologist.
My son doesn’t want to have breakfast before going to school
We have already seen the reasons why your son/daughter does not want to go to school and what to do in these cases. However, another of the great concerns of parents that arise before arriving at school is when their child does not want to have breakfast before going to school.
As experts say, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But not only that, several studies have shown that breakfast and learning are linked, since children who eat this meal usually have better school performance.
The reasons why a child or adolescent does not want to eat breakfast can be several:
- Some minors are somewhat picky about food in general.
- They are bored of always having the same breakfast.
- Teenagers may skip breakfast in an attempt to avoid becoming overweight or because they have delayed their bedtime until too late and get up early.
- Lack of rest can cause little ones to wake up too tired to eat breakfast or feel nauseous.
The most relevant thing in these cases is to ensure that minors follow an appropriate sleep schedule so that they can wake up rested and with time to have breakfast.