Affective responsibility is a crucial topic in the field of Psychology. It refers to the ability to assume and manage one’s own emotions, taking into account how they affect the people with whom we establish a relationship. Thus, it helps us bond in a healthy, enriching and flexible way.
How to increase emotional responsibility?
Affective responsibility is not a personality characteristic, but a form of behavior, so it can be worked on and evolved. In this sense, a series of areas are distinguished, the improvement of which is associated with a higher level of emotional responsibility. They are the following:
- Self-knowledge: it is essential to know yourself better and know what your emotional expressions are in order to transmit them. In consultation, I can help you identify and understand them. Many times it is about looking in the past for patterns and triggering variables.
- Emotional education. Acceptance and commitment: I want you to know that all emotions are valid and that each one has its purpose. Have you ever denied any of your emotions? It is very important to accept them instead of suppressing or rejecting them. Delve into your personal values and commit to making positive changes in your life.
- Communication of emotions: when you communicate clearly and assertively, you manage to connect more and better with those around you and your relationships are much stronger and more mature.
- Establish healthy boundaries: They are very necessary to show others how you want to be treated. You have to be explicit and clear when talking about them because, in a way, they are subjective (except for some red lines that are universal). It is important to respect yourself and act according to your own values to feel at peace with yourself and your environment.
- Conflict resolution: This includes the ability to manage emotions during disagreements and seek mutually satisfactory solutions, through negotiation to reach agreements.
- Empathy and respect: understanding and accepting the perspectives and emotions of others strengthens interpersonal relationships and can help you get to know the people around you better.
- Changes in perspective: work on changing negative or distorted thought patterns that may affect how you approach emotional responsibility. Cognitive restructuring can be very useful in these cases.
Mindfulness: if you ask me…I would say that it is something that we should all practice more often. It is a tool that helps to be present in the current moment and to observe emotions in a fully conscious way.
How is emotional responsibility demonstrated?
It is important to highlight that emotional responsibility is a process in constant evolution, which can develop throughout the different life stages. This possibility of improvement represents a challenge that is worth taking on to be better.
There is no specific measure to recognize the degree of emotional responsibility, but we can say that a person has a high level when their behavior appears well managed on an emotional level, which can be seen in their behavior, since we perceive that:
- Make decisions consciously: considering not only your own desires and emotional needs, but also the impact your actions may have on others.
- Manage stress constructively: Even in stressful situations, avoid impulsive or destructive behaviors.
- You feel responsible for your actions: you worry about how they may affect your emotional well-being and that of others.
- Seek emotional growth: establish with yourself a growing commitment to emotional development, for which you continually seek ways to improve the management of emotions and interpersonal relationships.
Are you responsible for other people’s emotions?
I consider this point to be very important. It is true that, when interacting with others, we have an impact on them and their feelings, but we should not think that we have a kind of emotional hyperresponsibility.
We must keep in mind that we are not responsible, one hundred percent, for what the other person feels. He is a human being with the capacity and freedom to feel according to his own emotional intelligence and disposition. Yes, we have to do our best, but we find ourselves facing another individuality, with multiple experiences and possibilities, which we cannot fully control or dominate. Isn’t it precisely this emotional adventure that makes relationships great?
And what can we work on?
For me, there are two important points to take into account and cultivate, to empathize with the people around you:
- On the one hand, look for feedback from them. We are not always aware of how we impact others and therefore, we must investigate how they perceive us, if our actions affect them.
- On the other hand, I recommend that you practice active listening because it involves paying attention, not interrupting, and asking questions to make sure you understand what the other person is saying.
I want to emphasize that emotional responsibility is not exclusive to loving relationships, but that all human relationships deserve a certain degree of emotional commitment. Affective responsibility is a construct that must be mutual and reciprocal.
I show you two real cases experienced in consultation:
- The first is about how our mood influences others. A person walks into a room and we see them sad, stressed or pessimistic. You are likely to spread those negative emotions to others present. The same would happen, but with a different sign, if the entry is from someone happy who radiates positive energy.
This is due to emotional contagion: this phenomenon suggests that a person’s emotions can directly affect those around them, highlighting the importance of being aware of our emotional responsibility. Hence the importance of working on affectivity in human relationships.
- The next case is related to the fact that, sometimes, we want to love but we don’t let others love us. During a therapeutic process, I was able to analyze that a person did it as a protection and self-defense mechanism to not show vulnerability and avoid possible suffering (which perhaps was never going to happen). This posed a barrier to establishing healthy and complete bonds with others.
Here it is essential to talk about the importance of emotional availability in interpersonal relationships. We must not forget the importance of showing ourselves accessible on an emotional level, allowing ourselves to feel what we carry inside and valuing the need to transmit it to build fuller and more satisfactory relationships.